|
 |
The Basics
In a nutshell, you pick a future form of existence and we guarantee your reincarnation in that form. We deliver a striking Certificate of Guarantee and provide all sorts of other services. For those of you in a hurry, that's all you need to know. To sign up for your 60-Day Free Trial right now, click The Store. For the rest of you, see below:
The 60-Day Free Trial
For a limited time only, the Re-do Guru is offering fully-functional reincarnations at no charge. Just ask, click and download. Et voilá. We're not talking a squirrely intro version, re-birth lite or some app store tease here. This is the real thing, sorta.
You will receive a high-resolution Certificate of Guarantee (just like real customers), you'll be entitled to a targeted reincarnation of your choice (just like real customers) and you'll be entitled to a double-your-money-back refund if you are dissatisfied. (Be forewarned, however, that a double-your-money-back guarantee on a free thing gets you very little if you're not happy with the free thing.) For your reincarnation to be operable, all you have to do is die within 60 days of your Free Trial's issue date. Upgrades are available which extend your coverage and make refunds worth something. We'll email you options when the time comes.
Recommendations
 Perhaps the first, prudent step is to read our Expert Recommendations. There are many subtle issues in the re-birthing process. What at first appears to be a worthy future may have unseen, lurking dangers. And, issues surrounding gift giving should be reviewed with care. You wouldn't want to give the wrong new life to someone, would you?
Do Not Try This Alone At Home. We're here to help and we know how. For expert guidance and consultation, click Recommendations.
Testimonials
Our customers love us. After all, we came through in the end. Just listen to their unstinting praise. Click Testimonials for some truly remarkable stories of personal re-invention.
The Guarantee
Double your money back. Guaranteed. Almost unconditionally. For all the facts, click Certificate of Guarantee.
Announcements
 Anticipation is sometimes sweet and sometimes bitter. In either case, you should share this experience with everyone involved in your reincarnation clan. Whether you are sending yourself a new life, a friend a second chance or a jerk some doom (giving new meaning to "hate mail"), you need to announce this guarantee in advance. For details, click Announcements.
Renewals & Multiple Purchases
Renewals are important, especially if you elect a next life that is likely to be short-lived. Fireflies, for instance, endure for only two months. If you elect an ephemeral, if inanimate existence, such as a grin or summer breeze, be prepared for your renewal to be required immediately. Be prepared: You can "daisy chain" your existences. This is important if your next life turns out to be brief. Be prepared with a series of future lives lined up in advance. For information on how to do so, click Renewals.
The International Reincarnation Registry
 So that there is a standardardized, precisely prioritized and eternal record of all pending and executed reincarnations, we've established the International Reincarnation Registry. Every reincarnation ordered from us is recorded there. (And a Registration Number is affixed to your Certificate of Guarantee to match.) No one, other than the Re-do Guru himself, has access to this highly sensitive and critical information. It is strictly PRIVATE. But important. Even vital. "Daisy Chain" renewals depend on this critical system.
The Store
Our Store offers plenty of ways to spend your money. Some (like personal reincarnation) require delayed gratification. But there are lots of immediate pleasures, too. Like our Send a Scum Some Doom program.
There are also several sizes of stunning t-shirts and baseball caps. Or nifty coffee mugs. (Bumper stickers and costume jewelry to be added soon.) To browse the Store - including several special services - click Spend.
Optional But Recommended
 You can secure a future here in a matter of minutes. We don't quite have the "one click" convenience of some larger ecommerce websites, but you can spend your money here in a hurry. Weirdly, we'd prefer that you not do so.
We'd like you take your time. Enjoy. Smell the roses. You'll be gone soon enough. So, to truly appreciate the import of your choices you should spend some time with The Re-do Guru, maestro of the "next." To learn about him and read his blog, click The Re-do Guru.
|
|
|
 |
|
Gone But Not Forgotten
Have a certificate but can't remember where it is? Lost your e-mail with the download link? No problem!
To retrieve a duplicate of your certificate, simply click Yike! for some quick and easy help.
|
|
|
 |
 |
|
If the Inanimate Terminate
Just because a thing isn't alive doesn't mean it can't end.
Christmas - What are the implications of being reborn as, say, Christmas 2011? What would you become on the 26th of December?
A Breeze - There's something very attractive about the thought of coming back as a cool summer breeze. Or a cloud. A chuckle? A blink? All short-lived reincarnation forms should have renewals prepared well in advance.
If these and similar issues haunt you, find some solace with an equally troubled mind: Blogging the Inanimate.
|
|
|
|
EncoreAgain programming
(eCommerce, document creation,
and other back office stuff) was
created by Mike Watson.
|
