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Communication is the heart of living. So tell your friends and enemies exactly how you feel. Send them an appropriate announcement of their future.
We offer Certificates of Guarantee in print and electronic form (PDF). For those preferring print, we send you cute little envelopes with invitation-style stationary to tuck inside your printed Guarantee. This personal touch works with both announced and anonymous delivery.
Certificate of Guarantee
Our Guarantee is, of course, ironclad. Virtually unconditional. You can read about its terms by clicking Guarantee. The area you are now reading concerns the announcement process and how you tell folks about their good fortune or doom, as the case may be. To that end, you can view a sample (voided and clearly inoperable) of our pdf'd guarantee, click Sample Certificate.
We provide both electronic and printed Certificates of Guarantee.
All those who receive reincarnations also receive Certificates of Guarantee. These identify the recipient (name him) and describe his future form (what he will be reborn as). Upon delivery, both delight and despair have been reported.
Forms of Certificate
We provide high-resollution, full-color, Adobe Acrobat files of your personalized Certificates. These are prepared by us and you will be able to download them from this website in a matter of seconds after your purchase. Once downloaded, you can forward them to their ultimate recipient. We don't email them for you. We follow this procedure so that we aren't innundated with spam reports by those lucky few who are somehow disgruntled by their fates.
Anonymous
Those of you who would like to send a gift of doom anonymously will have to a) print and mail the Acrobat file yourself, b) burn the file to a CD and mail that, or, c) pay extra and receive our super-duper, high-quality printed Certificate of Guarantee.
Love Notes & Hate Mail
 For many people the receipt of a very official Certificate of Guarantee promising to turn them into a cockroach in the next life is an eloguent statement. But you may want to rub it in. Since our Certificates do not identify the purchaser, you'll need a note card. So, if you buy a printed Certificate, we provide a note card, with one of those charming little envelopes that imply they contain wedding invitations or news of a cocktail party. Pretty nice, huh?.
The Store
All these options are outlined in The Store. So go there now and spend.
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Through the wonders of modern computing, we can create and email a handsome Adobe Acrobat file (full-color and personalized) to happy customers in a blink. This option is an incredibly inexpensive way of guaranteeing the future.
Forward - We send electronic files to the purchaser so that he or she can forward them to the loved or loathed one of their choice.
To view a sample (voided and clearly inoperable) of our pdf'd guarantee, click Sample Certificate.
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Ironclad & Rock Solid
We like to think of ourselves as craftsmen. Skilled workers in the field of reincarnation. Like all true-blue craftsmen, we stand behind our work.
Double! - We're so confident you'll be thrilled with your new life that we guarantee it. We refund double-your-money-back if, following your death, you are not completely satisfied with your rebirth.
Gifts - Unfortunately, we cannot extend this offer to the loved ones you've graced with a future life. Just as you never seem to get the right thing for a birthday gift, you may mess this up, too. And, obviously, the scum you decide to doom can't legitimately complain to us, either. His grim fate is not our fault.
Double your money back guarantees operate only when someone has purchased a new life for himself.
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