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We like to think of ourselves as craftsmen. Skilled workers in the field of reincarnation. Like all true-blue craftsmen, we stand behind our work.
We're so confident you'll be thrilled with your new life that we guarantee it. We promise double your money back if, following your death, you are not completely satisfied with your rebirth.
Certificate of Guarantee
Our Guarantee isn't just a promise: it's a Certificate. It comes in two forms: an Adobe Acrobat file (PDF) that is customized and then downloaded by you or in a high-quality, full-color, suitable-for-framing version. Both are handsome. See below:
Our Certificate of Guarantee. To view a sample, click Sample Certificate.
Double Your Money Back
If you feel your reincarnation has been unsatisfactory, just send us proof of your existence on the date of your reincarnation order and proof of your death sometime thereafter. That's all there is to it. We'll take your word that your transformation was imperfect. If you don't like the new you, you don't like it. No questions asked.
During our special, limited Free Trial period, those issued guaranteed reincarnations on a complimentary basis will be entitled (if dissatisfied) to double your money back: That is, nada, zilch. Zero. Double nothing is nothing. You're welcome.
Void If...
Suicide voids our guarantee. So do blatantly goofy, high-risk behaviors. All such moronic attempts to hasten the day of your reincarnation voids your rebirth. So don't do it. It doesn't help. In the interim we recommend that you behave generously toward your fellow man and buy a t-shirt from the Re-do Guru Store.
Non-Transferable
Once you have selected a rebirth, you are stuck with it. Until you buy a new one. There is no cancellation fee but you cannot transfer an unused new life to anyone else. In the event of a replacement, the original simply becomes inoperable. No need to return it.
Term of Service
Our standard reincarnation is effective as long as you live. Its terms (the new you) go into effect the moment you stop being alive in your current form. However, and this is important, Free Trial Reincarnations are good for only 60 days. You have to pass on before that "expiration" or, we're sorry to say, the next you is a matter of pure chance. Shudder. Eek.
Expiration of Guarantee
Our Guaranteee never expires. It is good as long as your second life lasts.
Making a Claim
To exercise your right to return your unsatisfactory existence to us, please submit proof of your death (an obit from any major metropolitan newspaper will do), your International Reincarnation Registry Number and an address to which we can mail your refund. To contact us, click Contact Us.
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Neophytes to the reincarnation process should review our How It Works section.
Step by Step - In easy to understand terms, we review the requirements for pondering, selecting and securing a rich and rewarding future life.
Gifts - Giving a new existence is different from shopping for yourself. We offer some cautions.
Scum - If you know someone whose ethical DNA is directly descended from the stuff growing on the surfaces of ponds, we have a plan for you.
Start now. All you have to do is click How It Works.
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