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Bob Dylan once wrote, "I remember every face of every man who put me here." He was not recalling loved ones. He also said, "When we meet again, introduced by friends, please don't let on that you knew me when I was hungry and it was your world."
These two passages surely conjure someone in your memory. Come on. You have a nice little list of doom recipients in mind. Indulge yourself. Reincarnate the lousy, miserable scum.
The Certificate
As you can see below, our Certificate is a knock out. (Incredibly, this high-resolution pdf wonder is now available as a 60-Day Free Trial. See below.) If you'd like an even more impressive view, click Sample Certificate.
We provide both electronic and printed Certificates of Guarantee.
The 60-Day Free Trial
For a limited time only, the Re-do Guru is offering fully-functional reincarnations at no charge. Just ask, click and download. Et voilá. We're not talking re-birth lite or some app store tease here. This is the real thing, sorta.
You will receive a high-resolution Certificate of Guarantee (just like real customers), you'll be entitled to a targeted reincarnation of your choice (just like real customers) and you'll be entitled to a double-your-money-back refund if you are dissatisfied. Which is, of course, nothing. (Double nothing is nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch.) For your reincarnation to be operable, all you have to do is die within 60 days of your Free Trial's issue date. Upgrades are available and make refunds worth something. We'll email you options when the time comes.
Infinite Possibilities
There is an unlimited supply of dreadful things to curse your less-than-favorites with. Some are generic, some personal. All well-deserved. Let your imagination soar. As inspiration, allow us to suggest a few invertebrates:
| Cockroach | Jellyfish | Sponge |
| Leech | Cucumber | Slug |
| Barnacle | Worm | Horseshoe Crab |
| Squid | Snail | Louse |
Some among you might prefer subtley over the blunt-force insults above. Here are a few to spark your thinking (parentheses are the common names of these creatures):
Ixodes scapularis (tick)
Eucestoda lecanicephalidea (tapeworm)
Dracunculus medinensis (Medina or Guinea worm)
You get the idea... See Wikipedia for other parasites (and the genus and species names that lend authenticity to a curse).
Emailing a Certificate to Your Scum
The tremendous, worldwide interest in "Send a Scum Some Doom" prompted many of our customers to request anonymous giving. This is, of course, brilliant. So, it would be nice to ask EncoreAgain to email a Certificate of Reincarnation to your selected "target" on your behalf. But the humorless slugs you are cursing will complain. So, we will quickly become known as the purveyors of unwanted email and blacklisted as spammers. This will never do.
Anonymous
Therefore, those of you who would like to send a gift of doom anonymously will have to a) print and mail the Acrobat file yourself, b) burn the file to a CD and mail that, or, c) pay extra and have us ship our super-duper, high-quality printed Certificate of Guarantee.
This last option is accomplished easily: just distinguish between the "bill to" and "ship to" addresses as you check out of your shopping cart. (Remember that everything in that order will be shipped to that address, including any t-shirts or mugs you've been clever enough to buy.) Also, if we ship the Certificate for you it will not include the note card described below.
Love Notes & Hate Mail
 For many people the receipt of a very official Certificate of Guarantee promising to turn them into a cockroach in the next life is an eloguent statement. But you may want to rub it in. Since our Certificates do not identify the purchaser, you'll need a note card. So, if you buy a printed Certificate we provide a note card, with one of those charming little envelopes that imply they contain wedding invitations or news of a cocktail party. Pretty nice, huh?. Order your printed Certificate in The Store.
Recipient Information (The Scum)
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Ironclad & Rock Solid
We like to think of ourselves as craftsmen. Skilled workers in the field of reincarnation. Like all true-blue craftsmen, we stand behind our work.
Double! - We're so confident you'll be thrilled with your new life that we guarantee it. With a double-your-money-back offer if, following your death, you are not completely satisfied with your rebirth.
Gifts - Unfortunately, we cannot extend this offer to the loved ones you've graced with a future life. Just as you never seem to get the right thing for a birthday gift, you may mess this up, too. And, obviously, the scum you decide to doom can't legitimately complain to us, either. His grim fate is not our fault.
Double your money back guarantees operate only when someone has purchased a new life for himself.
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