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What is this all about?
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In a nutshell, you pick a future form of existence, pay us and we guarantee your reincarnation in that form. We deliver a striking Certificate of Guarantee and provide all sorts of other services.
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Are there any rules about what I can and cannot request?
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We do not disqualify anyone based on bad taste, trite forms of rebirth or general imaginative ineptitude. Some level of downright "evil" behavior is frowned upon, though. But, since the Re-do Guru is the arbiter of all things permissible and he has never written down the rules, no one knows for sure what is allowed and what prohibited. So, go for it. (Please note that EncoreAgain is not responsible for your decision-making here. You pick the reincarnation, we just deliver it.)
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Is my reincarnation returnable if I haven't used it and don't want it anymore?
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No.
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Is my reincarnation transferable?
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No.
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Will my reincarnation ever expire?
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No. You will. It won't.
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Is this some sort of joke?
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Of course not.
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How do I get my money back if I'm dissatisfied?
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We're so confident you'll be thrilled with your new life that we guarantee it. We refund double-your-money-back if, following your death, you are not completely satisfied with your rebirth. That's all there is to it. We'll take your word that your transformation was imperfect. If you don't like the new you, you don't like it. No questions asked.
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Please explain how you managed to get testimonials from customers following their reincarnations.
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All testimonials were completely unsolicited. Happy customers came forward on their own.
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Is there a permanent record of my future life?
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Each EncoreAgain customer's reincarnation is officially logged with the International Reincarnation Registry. This renowned, non-profit group records the reincarnation form of each customer and assigns a unique registration number to it. This way, there can be no arguments. And renewals are immediate.
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What is the Re-do Guru's sign?
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His Terrific-ness doesn't believe in that sort of nonsense. He's a very scientific sort of guy and believes that rational beings should examine the demonstrable nature of all belief systems before subscribing to them. Therefore, he doesn't disclose his sign.
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Isn't revenge a negative, petty and self-defeating behavior?
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Try it. You'll like it.
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If I use your Funds Forwarding service, how do I know you will carefully preserve my wealth until I return to collect it?
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You don't. It's really a crap-shoot, to be honest. Our investment strategies are whimsical and undisciplined and our accounting is sloppy. But, since this is your one and only shot at taking it with you (ask the Pharaohs how those other systems worked out) you might as well give it a shot.
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