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Suitable for Framing Our Guarantee

We deliver our Certificate of Guarantee in two forms: An Adobe Acrobat file (acid-free) and a printed, high-quality, suitable-for-framing version.

To learn more about the many features of our unconditionally guaranteed reincarnations, click Our Guarantee.

To order your very own, select the form (pdf or print) in which you'd like us to deliver your guarantee by clicking the appropriate check box below and then the "Add to Cart" button.

PDF To view a lovely but voided and clearly inoperable sample of our pdf'd guarantee, click Sample Certificate.

To The Store Main Page.

His Stupendousness.

Satisfied Customers Speak.

Professional Counseling.

Retrofitting the less than perfect existence has a spic and span sort of thoroughness to it.

People complain a lot. Invariably, those of us who whine do so about things that are both unpleasant and beyond our control. Depending on the age and relative maturity of the plaintif this can range from going to bed early or brushing one's teeth twice daily on one extreme to death and taxes on the other. But in all cases, moaning and groaning has helplessness at its root. We bitch because we can't avoid some sort of nastiness.

Some cultures and religions spend a lot of time and energy pondering a world beyond our prediction and control. Ideas of mystery and fate abound in virtually every part of the world. Poets, philosophers and a few stand up comics have made a big deal out of destiny. It is consistently among the weighty issues with which mankind wrestles.

Poets, etc.
Just try to imagine Shakespeare without fate. Damn near everything he writes about has its conclusion "in the stars." Even MacBeth could see it coming but was powerless to do anything about it. Without fate, Oedipus Rex is not much more than an unpleasant tale about a boy and his mom. Plato was hung up on destiny, as was Thornton Wilder and Nietzsche. Other great thinkers, including Felix the Cat, Soupy Sales, and The Beaver's mom all fretted about the inevitable.

What we have here, though, is a failure of the imagination. People loath bad and inevitable outcomes because they feel disastrous. We presume such "eventualities" will be inescapably yucky and so thoroughly rotten as to overwhelm all the reasonably pleasant stuff we manage to accumulate along the way.

The Solution
The solution, of course, is obvious. The problem with inevitable outcomes is not so much their yuckiness as it is there permanence. Taxes paid are never refunded. Stupid decisions haunt with eternal "what if" whispers. Bone-headed moves embarass forever. When a terrible thing happens, it is historically permanent. There is, as they say, no eraser in life. Everything seems to be written in ink. And so bad things linger and very bad things seem to stick like gum on the bottom of your shoe. It's the permanence of nastiness that makes the inevitable so fearsome.

Until now. In reincarnation land, EncoreAgain-ville, whichever new form you may select overwhelms the old. The inevitable is overcome by being surpassed. The timid become brave. The injured become whole. The meek inherit. The doomed are reborn with nothing but hope in their songs. All of the indelible and unbearable dreck of life is not merely overcome, it is utterly replaced with a glorious (if you so choose) new existence where you are free to avoid the inevitable all over again. Tah Dah!
Various Speculations
Ruminations, conjecture and speculation by the All-Knowing One in his blog.

Butterfly Effects - It's the little things that matter. And the unintended that always seems to surprise us.

The Un-Dead Reborn - Everything you ever wanted to know about the implications of lifespan on the inanimate.

Ironclad & Rock Solid

We like to think of ourselves as craftsmen. Skilled workers in the field of reincarnation. Like all true-blue craftsmen, we stand behind our work.

Double! - We're so confident you'll be thrilled with your new life that we guarantee it. With a double-your-money-back offer if, following your death, you are not completely satisfied with your rebirth.

Gifts - Unfortunately, we cannot extend this offer to the loved ones you've graced with a future life. Just as you never seem to get the right thing for a birthday gift, you may mess this up, too. And, obviously, the scum you decide to doom can't legitimately complain to us, either. His grim fate is not our fault.

Double your money back guarantees operate only when someone has purchased a new life for himself.

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